Hello.

ewunia3 @ 2006-06-05T22:23:00

2006-06-06T02:25:19Z

hello... I just typed a long entry and got an error message...I'm tired and going to bed.

fifty years of marriage and drive out diabetes license plate sales

2006-06-06T02:19:21Z

Hi!

Just got back from a weekend in Chicago where my three sisters and I organized and held a celebration in honor of my parent's 50th wedding anniversary. I used to think you had to be ANCIENT to be married for that long. Somehow, I don't look at my parents as elderly or ancient. They are 70 and 75 and are so young at heart. They use the internet, they garden, they love music and dancing, they travel all over the world. The gathering was an elegant and motley crew of cousins, neighbors, co-workers and MORE cousins. I had to be the MC which I was dreading--because I didn't want the pressure to be entertaining, eloquent and in charge. In the end, I actually enjoyed directing the priest who officiated the renewal of the wedding vows, and my sisters, and parents in the reading of toasts and welcomes and singing "Sto lat" ( which means may you live 100 years in Polish).

My sisters are crazy about photographing everything....and we poured over all the photos this morning. I realized several things....that I look so much better when I stand up straight. Truly there was one photo where I had a sway back and pot belly!!! In another I'm standing up straight and actually look like I have a nice figure...Two, I was ready to cut my hair several inches because it is thin and I have a bad layering job....but I really liked its length in the pictures. Three, my beautiful Mom looks like she has a white powdery mask on in many of the photos. I took her to Marshall Fields dept store and got her all NEW make up--Bobbi Brown which is very natural looking. The sales girl said that the titanium oxide in sunscreens and foundation can often make you look like a ghost in photos.

I took Izabela with me to Chicago...leaving Kasia and Willy behind. My husband Will reported that he LOVED hanging with 15 year old Kasia...she was lovely to be with, articulate, funny, considerate, and an engaging companion. They both went to the Chesterfield County Health Fair to sell license plates to raise awareness and funds for diabetes....for me. Anyone who wants a license plate let me know... they are only $25 per year. I am so lucky to have my family's support in the diabetes research and fundraising arena. YEAH!!!

Will can be very exacting and can be critical so his compliments about Kasia this weekend are extra special! It makes me so happy when everyone can be themselves and get along.

re-entry

2006-03-20T04:12:25Z

Spring break is over and we're back from 4 days in Disney World. Not my first choice of vacation, but a welcome break to "happy land". Izabela (8) was enthralled by the characters and magnitude of rides and of course the volcano pool at the Polynesian resort. The highlight of the trip was being asked to be in the 4 parade at Animal Kingdom. The three of us dressed in safari hats (with Mickey Mouse ears) and vests. We were perched on a fancy float and waved and smiled for 45 minutes as we criss-crossed animal kingdom. I can't tell you how many people videotaped us (WHY?) it was crazy!

As much as I love getting away, I hate the first couple of days getting home. I had 204 emails! Most of them work related, and they needed answering. Piles of laundry and mail and paper. This week is crazy work too. I like Mondays to be a quiet stay at home day to re-group after the weekend. Instead I have a strategic planning meeting to go to all morning. Then the afternoon I'll be calling press contacts to see if they're coming to our press conference on Tuesday morning. We're announcing that the First Lady of Virginia, Anne Holton (She did not change her name when she got married) is the Honorary Chair of "Read and Romp" a fun family event that celebrates the joy of reading and will be "bringing books alive" for young children. The First Lady will be our spokesperson and will stress the importance of reading aloud to young children. Kasia will be helping at the event...she will be Curious George.

I am happy with what I'm doing...I just wish there were more hours in each day. I just bought another Garden State soundtrack...and I love it. Watched two movies this weekend. The classic Alfred Hitchcock "To Catch a Thief" with Grace Kelley and Cary Grant, and "Walk the Line" with Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix. I never liked Johnny Cash growing up. He was so redneck and country. Now, I enjoyed his music in the movie. Also, heard his songs from my son,Willy and thoroughly get his humor.

Good night!

going away on spring break

2006-03-11T05:00:04Z

I love trips and getting away. I come alive when I encounter the unknown and the undiscovered. I like to experience life outside of my "pattern of living" --whether I'm visiting old friends in another city, or going abroad to a new country. I thrive when I get a break from my routine and rote thinking. Of course coming home after being away is always a pleasure...my bed feels so comfortable, my kids smell sweeter, and I'm more appreciative of the place I call HOME.

After much deliberation, we've finally decided on spring break plans. This year its more complicated because Kasia has a different spring break than her siblings....so I get to go on two spring breaks (how perfect). Sunday Will and I are taking 8 year old Izabela to Disney World, Willy is going to the Bahamas with a friend, and Kasia is staying with her grandmother. The Polynesian Resort and Magic Kingdom should infuse me with several carefree days--when our biggest decision is what ride should we go on next, or what should I order for lunch?

Then in April, Kasia and I will be heading to Mexico via Dallas for Kasia's springbreak and birthday. On our way back home we'll be stopping in Dallas and hopefully will meet with Gin and Mumsy--at long last. I am really looking forward to traveling with just Kasia. Our last two trips alone were to Baltimore (for her 8th birthday) and to Saratoga Springs when she was going to science camp at Skidmore. She has a great sense of humor and is insightful and adventuresome. We gravitate to similar shops and cafes. I feel that the last several years at home I just get snippets of her. I've missed her being "chatty cathy" and following me around the house.

Just knowing I have a trip on the calendar lifts my mood. I have even pulled out my spanish textbooks hoping to brush up on basic conversation.

Buenas noches amigos...

juggling...

2006-03-09T04:31:54Z

No one warned me that parenthood would become a circus act...juggling responsibilities, demands, conflicts, housework, paperwork, and most importantly personalities. My biggest job is influencing the experiences and characters and habits of my children. Sounds easier than it is because all three are strong willed, independent, and outspoken children. To complicate matters my partner and husband is a Type A assertive personality too....so our household can be loud, volatile, and NOT easygoing. So I'm left trying to direct lots of chiefs and no indians....

I haven't found the right balance between personal chores and my work related duties. I keep trying to keep them apart, but after years of multi-tasking I find it difficult to stay focus and on task. I find myself interrupting my concentration by checking an email or fixing tea or running a load of laundry or calling my one of my sisters....I love it when I do become absorbed in my work which is usually when I'm writing a persuasive letter or note.

I've never enjoyed public speaking yet suddenly this year it has become something I do for my job as PR person for Reach Out and Read virginia and for JDRF. So tomorrow will be my biggest group so far, 80 librarians--people who will catch the grammatical errors and ums...oh well...I just have to remember to breathe and think of them as friends who want to hear about Reach Out and Read (which is a cool program to promote early childhood literacy...pediatricians talk to parents at well child visits and tell them the importance of reading aloud to their children, then the y give the kids a developmentally appropriate book to take home. By starting this book giving in infancy, the pediatrician and parent foster a love of books and reading in the children). The program works! It is cost effective and simple to administer.

I thought life was about following your passions, now I see I have to squeeze in my passions between responsibilities. I took a class today that talked about God and evil and free will. Had to clear cobwebs from my brain...but basically God gave us free will and thus we are responsible for the choices we make, and there are moral consequences for our behavior....this is what distinguishes us from the other creatures on earth.

Good night!

weekend

2006-02-06T03:47:24Z

Great weekend--except I didn't work out. I always feel better physically and psychologically if I exercise. I try and do something everyday, right after I drop off the kids at school. If I don't do it first thing, even if I'm in workout clothes, I end up doing other chores, errands, projects, and exercise gets forgotten. I have a stack of videos, so I can do yoga, pilates, or hip hop, or a weight workout at home. These attempts are always unsuccessful, with me answering the phone, watching the clock, etc....

Will and Willy went away for the weekend, so the house became quieter, with much less commotion and mess. Izabela was at a sleepover, and Kasia was home. Since she likes to stay in her room with her door closed, it was like I was home alone, and I didn't like it. Its not that I want to go in and out of her room, I just would feel connected with her if she kept her door ajar. Closed doors send weird vibes KEEP OUT! I believe in the open door policy at home and at work...it's welcoming and conducive to relationships. Closed doors are secretive. Everytime you knock to come in--it is an interruption...which makes the contact more formal and distant. As a Mom, I hate feeling that way with my daughter.

We had a fun time Friday night at First fridays art openings on Broad Street. We saw all ages, sizes, types of people on the street--how refreshing--enjoying the warm evening and the energy from all the art galleries and shows. There was music on the streets and fire throwers too. Another fun outing on Friday was the International Squash Tournament at U or R. The competitors hailed from Australia, England, Egypt, Mexico, US, Scotland and played in a glass box court that has featured in such public arenas like Grand Central Station in NYC. The game of squash is fast and fun to watch.

Today all my plans were changed because my 8 yr old was sick. So, I waited on her, bringing crackers, chicken noodle soup, and hot chocolate. We worked on a puzzle and she watched Shirley Temple movies and Mary Poppins. I organized closets in the house. It was therapeutic gathering dusty vases to return to the florist, and purging pillows (we had 15 and only need 9). Though I run the risk of sounding like a boring housewife, I rather enjoyed turning my closet chaos into oasis of orderliness. I actually feel great when I have a purposeful and productive day.

empathy for teens

2006-01-20T02:37:31Z

OK--as you know I'm the real etoile's mother. She reminded me that just because I'm a parent I shouldn't lecture like a parent...I guess some of my entries can be construed as lecture-like and un-supportive by people who are struggling with SI, depression, and identity issues. They don't mean to be. I have had my own share of struggles and wish people had reminded me to "get out of my head and do things--like volunteer, like go to the movies, like take classes that I was interested in". For years I was ridden with anxiety, that I'm not smart enough, savvy enough, thin enough, etc. My world started getting shaky in college and I'd have bouts of binging and bulimia through most of my twenties. My private hell didn't interfere with jobs, dating, travels through Europe, but I was deeply unhappy because I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. On the outside everything looked so good, on the inside I felt I was living a lie. Even though everyone kept telling me I had so much potential, I just felt I never had a REAL direction. Looking back I recognize that my behavior had SI components. I was secretive and I was engaging in harmful and unhealthy behavior. I think back to that time and see how much of my vibrant youth I squandered away worrying too much about both BIG and INSIGNIFICANT issues. My worrying never got me anywhere. I wish I had spent that time learning another language, or helping in a nursing home, or working on environmental issues, or learning to knit, or playing guitar, or being a
Big Sister, or singing in a choir. Instead....I was self absorbed and unsure of just being myself, I was immobilized. I remember thinking that my parents would never understand, PLUS I was so scared of disappointing them. It would have been wonderful if I had confided my worries in a caring adult, a mentor of sorts who could have recognized the gifts I had and encouraged my pursuit of my passions. At the risk of sounding really cliche, the things that mattered to me in high school still matter to me now. At 14, I was an outspoken feminist, even though I was a pompom girl. I was active in environmental issues, yoga, sewing, crafts, scouts, theatre, music, dance, reading, social justice--those things were on the back burner while I was emotionally burying myself, worried if I was measuring up to unrealistic, non-existent perfectionism, standard in my head. So if I say "just go and live!" I mean it, and I know how hard it can be to take the first steps and go and do it.

this is a BIG time killer

2006-01-19T22:13:35Z

Hi! I've always enjoyed writing in a journal, so I was surprised that I wasn't writing in here more frequently. In fact, I received several email nudges reminding me to update. So I did today. However, I just looked at the clock and I've been at the computer for over an hour, updating my journal and reading your recent entries. I just have to say that as interesting as it all is....THIS IS A HUGE TIME COMMITMENT. I am having an internal debate if this is a good use of time/or if this is indulging my inner voice that revels in a platform to express itself/or if by reading other's journals I am a "peeping Tom" of sorts, gleaning bits and pieces of other's most secret stresses or mundane worries/I don't know how I really feel about this...I've always thought that writing about your feelings helps you to sort them out and feel better. After reading some of the deep feelings revealed in these live journals, I think that getting them out here for others to validate and banter about and identify with, keeps stressful feelings alive instead of getting them out and getting rid of them.

I also am so confused by all this adolescent angst and self hatred and self injury and depression. This is coming from talented, intelligent, caring, beautiful teenagers and I don't get it. Having just returned from a funeral of a 79 year old ugly, misunderstood man, --who had so many passions and who really wanted to continue living with his wife of 49 years and who wanted to spend time with his three year old grandson and whose last weeks were spent suffering in the last stages of cancer...he would say "why are you wasting your time waffling in emotion, just go out into the world and LIVE!

Ewunia

My godfather's funeral

2006-01-19T21:47:54Z

It was so nice to be home in Chicago this week. I was somewhat dreading the funeral and wake. However the two days spent there were anything but dreadful. From the moment of my pick up at the airport I felt enveloped in a familial LOVE from relatives and friends--many of whom I hadn't seen in over 20 years! It is as if a part of me that was buried and long forgotten during my life as Mom (carpools, cleaning, grocery runs), came alive. I felt a comfort and belonging with the "village" that raised me among the tangle of Polish relatives and friends that hugged me hard and gave me the requisite three kisses hello and goodbye (a Polish custom). I also finally felt grown up, as the men I greeted practiced the old world charming custom of taking my hand and gallantly kissing it. It sounds corny as I write this, but it really is an elegant ritual.

My uncle and godfather Wujek Wladek was a complicated man. Consider that his Polish name Wladyslaw Wypijewski, dignified and beautiful when pronounced correctly in Polish, was a nightmare here in America. No one could say it or spell it. So he became Wally, a regular Joe. As a little boy he was vaccinated for smallpox. He had a bad reaction to the vaccine and developed the pox, then scratched the itchy sores on his face, which became infected. He was scarred for life--with pitted skin on his face. As long as I knew him he wore large dark sunglasses to camouflage his disfigurement. Despite being ugly, he married, had children and live a full life.

At 15, a second disaster in his life when WWII began. Poland was invaded by Germany from the West and by Russia from the East. His dream of going to the University ended. His family was deported to India! He was furious he was living in a refugee camp with the women and children. So at 16, he lied and said he was 17 and joined the Polish Army in exile under the British Command. The next thing he knew, he was driving a tank in Normandy on the front lines! Wypijewski is an unusual name and soon his father who was a commander in Scotland had heard that about this young Wypijewski in Normandy, France. He put two and two together and in short order my uncle Wladyslaw was whisked out of the line of fire and given a job taking care of ordering supplies for the army in Scotland near his father. See what parents do to try and keep their children safe!

After the war, Wladyslaw had to rebuild a life for himself. Opportunity abounded in America he had heard, so he came to his country with a few English pounds, a new Polish bride, and a fledgling command of English and a strong Eastern European accent. Hiding behind his dark glasses, he worked hard (an intellectual machinist), played hard he loved dinner parties and always came prepared with jokes and the latest information on world politics. He had a passion for music and had a full bookshelf of reel to reel music tapes. He was an expert on history, politics and Poland. Once he retired from his job as a machinist. He took his savings and opened several liquor stores thinking he'd make a lot of money. He took a risk and worked hard, but the businesses weren't the cash cow he was hoping for. He owned several apartment buildings in Chicago, and he was landlord and maintenance guy. Finally he stopped all the business work and retired. He took daily walks, did a crossword puzzle, and became a regular patron at the library. He started to learn Spanish again. He fulfilled his life long dream of going to Argentina and visiting all the formerly illicit tango spots. His sudden sickness and discovery of multiple cancers, brought his feuding and dysfunctional family together and peace at last for all of them.

After spending 24 hours with my Uncle's memory and the motley group of 100 mourners, I left rejuvenated, understood and connected--vital elements for my spiritual well being. I prayed in the same church where my parents were married, and where I was baptized. I inhaled the incense, basked in the beauty of the rich colors and designs on the frescoes of this gothic church. This gorgeous Polish parish is now in a crumbling neighborhood, that was once a thriving Polish community where I roller-skated at the community center and walked in my plaid uniform to school.

So a two hour flight later, I returned to Richmond. A place where no one tells me I'm wonderful or special. My kids look at me only in terms of what I can do for them. When is dinner? Can you take me here? Can you buy me this? When I want to talk to them they look with suspicious eyes as if I'm delivering a lecture (what is wrong with those anyway?) or with disinterest. I may not know what they are thinking or what their world is like, but I'm not clueless. I do have some world experience which is called wisdom....

Its weird to think of this home in Richmond...as home. It is my home, it is the place I spend my time, my life with my husband and children, yet there is a part of me living in Chicago. Also, there is a part of me thriving at Vassar College, and I part of me in Crivitz, Wisconsin where I went to girl scout camp. I think I left a part of myself in Italy where I spent 6 months one year when I was 23....

I guess I leave a little part of me where ever I go. I guess that is what they mean when they say sow your seeds where you walk, share your smile, you never know who you'll touch.

E

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T20:46:06Z

This Christmas has been a relaxing and happy day. After nearly a month of trying to cram in more and more activities, parties, decorating, shopping and wrapping, I am delighted to just hang out. I feel guilty hanging out, because I always feel the responsibility to keep on doing all the things that need doing. While the others have been playing new board games, watching basketball on TV, or reading their new books, I have been fixing lunches, cleaning up wrapping paper, boxes, ribbons. But NOW I'm taking a break.

I used to write religiously in journals...but that has gone by the wayside. Except for the kids baby books and my travel journals, I rarely write just for me. Even when I sit at the computer it is to check on emails and take care of personal and work related business. I'm excited to be heading out of Richmond on a train to NJ and NY to visit family. I look forward to connecting and hanging out with my sisters and parents. The best part of all is not having to plan, and cook, and clean up the meals. I like to cook if all the planning and shopping and then cleaning up is done....otherwise it is just a drain for me. Others find it relaxing and even a creative outlet...I've tried to look at it that way...but it doesn't work on a daily basis. That is why I'm such a fan of leftovers. I get to cook a creative meal once a week and then graze on it the rest of the week....My family thinks that stinks...well, they could just chip in and share the responsibility of cooking if they don't like what I serve.

It is kind of funny for me to write here, knowing that this will be read by others. My other journals were very private affairs of the heart, and kept locked and safely hidden away. I'll see how this feels.

Am I the girl that you want me to be?

2005-12-21T02:20:30Z

Hello! This is Kasia* writing in my mom's journal. I doubt she'll actually update ever, but I think she might comment. So, voila. Here is my mother.